


Haunted

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Lesbian Thirteenth Doctor, Post-Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, Thirteenth Doctor Era, Yasmin Khan Loves the Thirteenth Doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: “Master... Master... Master...”She calls out his name in her sleep. Yaz worries. The Doctor has been going nonstop since their encounter with the Master, but now she stops and grieves for all she has lost. Yaz listens and loves her, and that’s exactly what the Doctor needs.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Haunted

“Master... Master... Master...”

She shuddered involuntarily as she regained awareness of her surroundings. At some point, she had fallen asleep with her head in Yaz’s lap, and the other girl continued to run her fingers through the Doctor’s short, blonde hair. It was soothing enough to put the Time Lord (who rarely ever slept) right to sleep. That was happening to her more lately, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

“You were calling his name in your sleep again,” Yaz said gently.

The Doctor groaned. “I guess I just can’t get him out of my head.” It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried. For the past few weeks (according to Yaz) she’d been bouncing from planet to planet, star system to star system, never slowing down long enough for the others to catch their breath. Even now on the campgrounds of Alzatar, she was turning what was supposed to be a peaceful evening under the stars into a manic whirlwind of nervous energy.

But alone in the tent with Yaz, the Doctor hadn’t been able to keep up her frantic pace, so when Yaz held her while she stroked her hair and sang, she was bound to fall asleep.

“You’re running from something,” Yaz observed. “Maybe the others can’t tell, but I can see it in the way you avoid any mention of your home planet or O, or the Master as you call him. You keep looking over your shoulder, like you’re scared of something following you, and you can’t sit still even more than usual.” She paused, looking down on the Doctor with pleading, brown eyes. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

How could the Doctor even begin to explain that? In all her years of life there had been so much wrong. She felt like she was drowning in it all. She’d been running for so long, and yet she was still tangled up in the same mess. The Master, one of the great evils of the universe (as well as her childhood best friend), always seemed to claw his way out of the abyss and come at her fists swinging.

“It’s him,” the Doctor admitted, unable to meet Yaz’s eyes.

Yaz stroked her cheek, gently guiding the Doctor to look at her. “He’s gone now,” she said. “Why does he still bother you so much?”

“Because he’s _never_ gone,” the Doctor groaned. Heat was building behind her eyes, and when she reached her hand up she was mortified to feel the wetness on her cheek.

“How long have you known him?” Yaz asked. “He said he was your greatest enemy.”

“I’ve known him since I was a child on Gallifrey,” she answered. “We were friends once. But he grew mad. He’s hurt a lot of people all over the universe, yet there seems to be no one he likes hurting more than me.”

Yaz tightened her hold around the Doctor protectively. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I can’t even begin to imagine what that must be like.”

“You know what the worst part is?” the Doctor continued. Now that she had started talking, she wasn’t able to stop. “Our paths crossed back when I was an angry Scotsman and he was the Mistress, and I thought that maybe we could be friends again. He was still mad then of course, and he still had no moral compass to speak of, but he seemed genuine when he said he was my friend, and I said he was my friend too. I thought I could change him, you know? Make him better. And maybe now he resents me for that.”

Once again, the Doctor found herself unable to meet Yaz’s eyes. She closed her own, hot tears spilling out. Yaz’s gentle hands wiped them away. She was far too kind for her own good, and far more understanding than the Doctor deserved. “What happened then between you two?”

“He died,” the Doctor said bluntly. “And so did I, I suppose. And so did my dear friend, Bill, just a young human like yourself.”

“Doctor, look at me.” Yaz’s voice turned stern. The Doctor was powerless to resist that tone. She looked up and into Yaz’s eyes, her shame written all over her face. “Whatever happened to your friend- it isn’t your fault.”

“That’s very kind of you, Yaz,” the Doctor replied. “But it is my fault. I let Missy- the Master- lead the adventure, and I promised Bill that it wouldn’t get her killed. And then it did. No matter how hard I run, the mistakes of my past always seem to catch up to me. I’m haunted everywhere I go.”

Yaz leaned down and kissed the Doctor’s forehead, then trailed down her face, leaving soft kisses between her eyes, on her nose, and on her lips. “No one can ever truly escape their past,” she said. “But there’s something else, isn’t there?”

The Doctor swallowed hard and nodded. “There is,” she admitted. “When I got sucked into the past, he followed me there. To get to me, he started killing people. He just opened fire. So to get him to stop, I told him I’d surrender to him; that I’d do anything he wanted.”

“And what did he want?” Yaz asked when the Doctor hesitated.

“He told me to kneel,” she answered. “So I did, on both knees right in front of him. Then he told me to say his name, then pretended he couldn’t hear me, making me say it louder. Master, Master, Master.” The Doctor shivered, and Yaz pulled her in even tighter. “It was already humiliating enough, but he kept giving me this look like he wanted to control me; to make me hurt.”

“Does this have anything to do with those bruises around your neck?” Yaz asked. She traced her fingers down to the purple marks around the Doctor’s neck that looked suspiciously like a hand.

She nodded. “I’m sure you’ve already worked out that the Master tried to choke me.”

Yaz pulled away, and the Doctor was disappointed for a second until the other woman positioned herself to be spooning her. With Yaz’s tummy pressed against her back, arm over her waist, and legs tangled with hers, the Doctor felt a bit lighter. “He can’t hurt you now,” Yaz stated firmly. “He’s gone now, and even if he finds a way back, I won’t let him touch you again.” Her hot breath hit the back of the Doctor’s neck in a way that made her shiver again, but this time with pleasure.

“He doesn’t have to hurt me again,” the Doctor replied, her voice cracking. “He’s already taken everything from me, including my home planet which he destroyed! Yaz, I am the last of my kind. I’ve borne that burden before. I don’t know if I can bear it again.” Her body shook, and she began to cry.

A soft, heartbroken cry passed Yaz’s lips and blew right into her neck as Yaz’s arms tightened around her. “Oh Doctor, what has happened to you is unthinkable, and I can’t tell you how to bear it. All I can tell you is that you’re not alone. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, so all we can do is take it one day at a time. And if that’s too much, then we’ll take it minute by minute. Not even death is going to tear me away from you, because I will come back as a ghost and haunt you.”

The Doctor laughed lightly and cracked a watery smile. “I’d like that,” she said. “For once, if something good could haunt me, that would be brilliant.”

“Doctor, you have helped so many people across the universe. Your legacy will be a legacy of doing good. Never doubt that,” Yaz assured her.

The Time Lord turned to face Yaz. Tear tracks stained her face, but her smile was genuine. “How is it that you always seem to know exactly what to say?” she asked. She closed her eyes and nuzzled into Yaz’s neck.

“Because I love you,” Yaz answered. “And because I am super awesome, by the way.”

The Doctor giggled and leaned up to kiss Yaz’s soft lips. “You are super awesome,” she agreed. “And I love you too, so much Yaz.”

Three hearts beat steadily between the two of them. Finally, the Doctor allowed herself to relax. The dangers would never stop coming, but for now she was safe, holding Yaz and being held in return. In the arms of her magnificent human, the Master didn’t seem to matter so much anymore. That didn’t make anything he’d done okay, and it didn’t lessen the grief the Doctor felt as she remembered standing in the ashes of Gallifrey, but with Yaz by her side, she knew she could make it through, even if she could only take it day by day, minute by minute for now. Maybe someday, the Master’s sadism would no longer haunt her. Until then, she was happy just to be with Yaz, who made her burden just a little bit lighter. After all, it was Yaz who made her believe.


End file.
